Small Business Talk For Coaches

The Podcast To Transform Your Coaching Passion Into A Thriving Business.

Psychology of Fear With Cathy Smith and Jennifer Fidder

Show Notes

Background

Jennifer is a social psychologist and hypnotist helping female entrepreneurs overcome their doubts and fears so they can be more productive and build a successful business. With more than 16 years of coaching experience Jennifer made it her mission to teach her clients how they can control their subconscious minds to become successful entrepreneurs.

While her company is based out of Miami, FL, USA, Jennifer works with clients worldwide. She offers virtual one-on-one hypnosis and coaching sessions, virutal and in-person self-hypnosis and confidence workshops, as well as speeches for corporations and small businesses.

When she is not working, Jennifer loves to travel the world with her husband and explore new places.

Understanding How the Mind Works

We all know that we get a little scared sometimes, but I hope this won’t be a scary episode. Do you understand how our mind actually work?  So when we think about the mind, there’s two parts to our mind. There’s a conscious part and a subconscious part. Our conscious part is the logical, rational thinking part of our mind. So what you and the listeners are listening to with right now is the conscious part, and that conscious part knows exactly what it wants.

In our case, they want to build a successful business, they want to make money, they want to do all those things. But then there’s the subconscious part. And the subconscious part is more the creative part that’s underneath. But it runs a lot of the things that are going on in our lives. 90% of our life is determined by our subconscious mind, and it runs a lot of patterns, which makes life a lot easier for us.

What Our Subconscious Mind Do

For example, if you had to get up every single morning and had to consciously think about, okay, “I have to put one foot in front of the other to get to the bathroom, to open the toothpaste, to brush my teeth”, you would be completely overwhelmed 5 minutes into your day. So it’s a good thing that our subconscious mind develops patterns to make our life easier.

But the problem is sometimes those patterns actually interests to achieve our goals because our subconscious mind is programed to protect us. So whenever we do something that it perceives as a threat to us, it jumps in and says, “No, no, no, we’re not doing this.” And that’s where the fear comes in. We are programed to focus on the negative.

Remember the evolution? It was always important to protect ourselves and to look out for everything that could be a threat. And we kind of carried that over into the modern world. The problem now is back then it was very important because there was like saber tooth tigers and whatnot that could actually kill us.

But now in modern times, there’s not a lot that is really a threat to our livelihood. And what we perceive as a threat is really just like an inconvenience. And that’s where our subconscious mind hasn’t really caught up yet. And that’s why we sometimes have those problems. 

Your mind is like an iceberg- the tops part is the conscious mind. Everything that’s underneath the water, it’s the subconscious mind. Our conscious part is the one that develops all the fears we have. Maybe fear of failure, maybe fear of rejection, fear of judgment, sometimes fear of success. And the subconscious mind, which is set, wants to protect the conscious part. So, it develops patterns. And a lot of those patterns when we’re talking about fear in business, are related to perfectionism or procrastination or simply avoidance.

The Fear Of Success

For example, if you don’t reach out to podcast hosts, then you can be rejected, right? Even though you know it would advance your business, or if you don’t put your face out there and don’t record videos for social media, for Facebook, whatever it is, then you can get rejected. And those are things where our subconscious mind doesn’t understand that yes, it wants to protect us, but this is actually harmful for our business progress, because if we don’t put ourselves out there, if we don’t accept that we might get rejected, then we will never make it.

And that is and we concentrate on the one or two people that reject us, not hundreds that actually likes. Now it’s listening to something the other day where they said, we focus on the haters. We don’t focus on all the people that have liked and then go on it. That was great. So if we sell something, then that’s a domain hit.

But if somebody just says it is great, call you. Nice, move on. They somebody says, I don’t like what you did there or your hair’s is not right or whatever. That’s what we tend to focus on. People don’t realize that they start doing really well and then suddenly there’s all these little things that distracts you. Remember that haters are always much more outspoken than the supporters like you will always get negative comments from people. But then you find out weeks later, that was actually 100 people who listened to my podcast and who really liked it, but they didn’t like it. They didn’t comment on anything, but they were there, you know?

With the fear of success in our mind, we tend to do these dangerous things:

Self Sabotaging

We want them to be even better. The things we do when we try to sabotage ourselves. Some of the very common ones are procrastination or kind of justifying it. For example, you will say “No, I can’t do the YouTube channel right now because I first need to learn how to edit videos” or “I can’t put my course out yet because I still have to work on the website and I have to modify the logo.”

You kind of justifying all the ways that we’re pushing things off, not realizing that this is a protection mechanism of our subconscious mind. Because if you keep pushing things off and you don’t launch your course, you don’t launch your videos, you don’t do anything, then you can’t fail. And the subconscious mind achieved its goal of protecting us, right?

Perfectionism

The other thing, basically the same thing is perfectionism. Nothing is ever good enough to actually put it out there and you always have to redo things. The dangerous part about it is that a lot of people really don’t realise it. Because you were always busy, you’re always doing something, and you get very frustrated at it because you think “I’m working so hard, but nothing ever comes of it”. Not realising that you’re just doing the busy work instead of the important work end date.

For example, people are doing quite well with what they’ve got, so suddenly they need to rebrand again. And out there the images and all of that sort of thing. Whereas quite often, that’s just busy work. And if they just kept going step after step after step, you would be so much further along. If you would really just sit down and ask yourself, “okay, what is going to be the one thing that can actually get me clients that can make me money?” and then you just focus on that one thing for a month.

Overcome Your Fear

Coaches like business owners are scared to invest. They think that they are not making any money yet. How can I convince people to “hire” me? How can I hire an assistant? But when you think about it, if that assistant works for you just a couple of hours a week, that’s not a lot of money, but it frees up so much time for you that you could actually make money.

And if you charge, I don’t know, $100 or whatever, as a coach, don’t you think you can pay $20 to an assistant so that you actually have the time to make that money? You know, so it’s but it’s a fear thing again. And how can I justify spending money on my business that is not generating anything yet? And that’s an important thing to learn, especially for new entrepreneurs, is you have to invest a little something.

And it is overcoming that fear and making sure that you are spending it wisely. Because as coaches, we’re generally quite happy to spend it on coaching or training or another certification or qualification. But at the end of the day, can you use what you’ve got right now?

Be a Confident Coach

Not everybody is on your level, not everybody’s on the same page with you. Not everybody’s interested in what you’re doing, so you’re not for everybody and that’s fine. But you still have to put yourself out there. In order to put yourself out there, you have to kind of get comfortable with the idea that not everybody’s going to like you. And you also have to realise, that there is so much free material on the market – everything that you can offer as a coach, they can get for free on the internet.

But what we do as coaches is we organise the information for them and we hold them accountable. And we kind of bring that information. We condense it that it applies to the specific, not because if they could solve that problem with free stuff on the Internet, they would have already done it.

So you have to be confident in what you offer and you have to realise what your role as a coach actually is. What’s about what you know, like I have some of my clients are psychotherapists, psychologists. They know everything about the subconscious mind. They know all about the psychology of fear, but they’re still not able to get rid of it because they’re in it.

Yes. And then you need a third person view, somebody who says, have you ever thought about this? And then they have this moment, this light bulb, and they’re like, Well, I never thought about that. And that’s what you’re allowed to charge for.

Links

Contacts

Psychology of Fear With Cathy Smith and Jennifer Fidder

When you’re a new entrepreneur or even a seasoned entrepreneur, just always remind yourself when you feel this fear or when you feel there’s something holding you back, that’s your subconscious mind just trying to protect you. Because we tend to get mad with ourselves. It’s like, “why am I always doing this? I always keep repeating the same patterns and I don’t understand this”. It’s a way off your subconscious mind to protect you. So instead of getting mad with yourself, thank your subconscious mind for the effort, but then try to find different ways to achieve the same result.

And remember to be a little bit kinder to yourself, it can go a long way.

Listen to the full episode of Small Business Talk episode 232.

You can also find the video versions of the Small Business Talk Episodes on YouTube.

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