Small Business Talk For Coaches

The Podcast To Transform Your Coaching Passion Into A Thriving Business.

How to Manage Then Remove Your Negative Beliefs With Anne McKeown

Show Notes

Background

Anne McKeown is a highly regarded Mindset Coach who specialises in helping others achieve their personal and professional goals. She focuses on empowering women to step up, speak up and show up with confidence because she sees too many capable women doubting themselves and missing out on sharing their unique gift with the world. Anne is a published author and the founder of Sydney Self-Empowerment Meetup which has over 700 members.

Being Negative is a Learned Behaviour

We are definitely all our worst critics, aren’t we? We’ve stop those negative beliefs. That’s just a little thing. And then suddenly we blow it into what often a very large mountain.

And sometimes that needs someone else to point out to, you know, that it’s someone else and everything you see is negative or you’re very hard on yourself, or Why do you not believe you could make your business a success? When you were young and you are not able blow your own trumpet, you instantly think about who do you think you are and as a result, we play small without even realizing that actually it’s a huge issue.

It’s a huge issue that affects our daily life and our business. Don’t be a total puppet. You’ll get cut off at the knees and make sure you don’t outshine and include everybody and all of those kinds of things.

Being negative is a learned behavior. Think about when we’re when we’re young, often think of like a baby, when it’s learning to walk, everybody is very encouraging, you know, “Come on, you can do it”. Or “You try, try and hold my hand” or whatever. Even when they’re trying to talk, it’s like, you know, “say mama dada”.

We get encourage. But then when we go to school ant that encouragement kind of stops. And it’s not about you being your best unique self any more. It’s about you fitting in so the teacher can cope with a big class of 30 and even within the household, if there are many siblings, you just sit down and be quiet so you can have dinner but those are doubts around ourselves and can come in a very young age.

Change Your Thinking

What if you decided to doubt the doubt? Nice. What if the belief wasn’t the one thing that you do today anymore? What if it was the doubt? And because we never think of it like that, we believe our beliefs. Even if they’re not necessarily true and neuroscience is taught is that the brain doesn’t know the difference between a real truth and an imagined truth.

It just believes what we tell it. So if we’re constantly telling it, “I’m not good enough”. “I can’t do this” or “I don’t know how I’m going to manage it”. That self-talk is negative. Then that will lead to a negative emotion. The negative emotion leads to a negative behavior and then a negative outcome.

And so being able to change that and turn on its head and even if initially you don’t 100% believe it because people say to me, “Ah, you know, you’re telling me to just say mantras or whatever positive statements, and that’s rubbish and I don’t think it works.”

But neuroscience has actually taught us that, whether you believe it or not, that’s how the brain works. And the more we repeat anything, the deeper the pathway and the patterns that are in our psyche. So you will get the outcome based on your thinking and your behavior. So that’s where the phrase “fake it to make it” comes in. 

It’s not a good phrase though because you don’t want people to be fake but if you act like it, you’re going to act a lot more confident and it will be comforting for the people around you as well as yourself.

Choose Your Beliefs

Beliefs are things that we choose to believe, whether we’re actually consciously choosing them or not. So, we do have the ability to change it. So, you might believe that your job is what you are, for instance. And then when you no longer do that job, say, for instance, you might say, “I’m a lawyer”.

So, your belief is that you’re a lawyer and then you decide not to practice law anymore. You do something else, then your belief becomes something different. You were a lawyer, but you don’t believe you are now. See, we do actually get to choose our beliefs. And sometimes we need to choose more wisely.

Stop and THINK Exercise

Get an elastic band, put it around your wrist and you kind of ping it to use the body to stop the mind because the feeling is like a bit like if someone’s getting really angry like they screaming and shouting just like the one you watch on movies and somebody temporarily slapped them across the face.

No, you don’t slap ourselves or each other, but that is a kind of a quick distraction and it’s using the sting of the slap on the body to interrupt the pattern of the mind. So, the rubber band around the wrist is very gentle you don’t actually feel it’s there. But you ping that and you say stop. And then the thing is you ask yourself the questions the T, T stands for truth. Is this true? Is what I’m saying to myself, is what I believe really, really true? And you might say, Yeah, is it true for you? Is it true in the world? Or is it just something that maybe you think is true?

But if it’s not really true, then then maybe it doesn’t have to be a limiting belief. The H in the word thing is this helpful? So, if what you’re thinking isn’t helping you, in fact it may be hindering you, then why continue to believe it? The I is, is this inspiring? Is what I’m saying to myself inspiring?

And the N is, is it necessary? Do we even meet this belief? If it’s not necessary for your business to grow or your survival or your sense of self-worth, then then get rid of it.

And K is be kind to yourself. So if this belief is not helping you, then be kind to yourself and others and again, if the answer is no, not really, then we should get rid of it. So the key here is to stop and do THINK. Is it the Truth? Is it Helpful? Is it Inspring? Is it Necessary? And be Kind. You have to actually do it every day because it is pattern interrupter, because our habits become so ingrained that we don’t even think about them, they’re just automatic. 

Rewriting Your Story

Write down everything you know. What are all the negatives? What are the things that makes you unhappy? So you’ll see that it’s bad and that’s sad and this is not good. Then you can do something about it. What if you could shift the whole mindset to looking forward and going towards the goal instead of sitting away from it and feeling it’s impossible?

Rewrite the whole story, your whole story and from the place of “if I could do this, if I did believe I could do this, what would the story look like then”? And then when you rewrite the script and you read it to yourself every day, that’s a new acting as if, again, all these things kind new to you.

And it just feeds that confidence to the mind, which lifts out emotion and then gives you more energy and motivation to act on the new positive way of looking at things.

Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star. ~W. Clement Stone

The Role of Coaches

Getting rid of all that negativity on your own can be very hard. We need someone to help us reflect. We’ve all got blind spots and have to be our own blind spots and it’s going to sound like an obvious answer to me but you get a coach and someone that can actually help you shift out of it. Coaches need a coach.

You have to be open to someone saying, are you aware of how many times you’ve said the words, I can’t or are you aware of how hard you are on yourself or how you’re putting yourself down or so? So, I think if you’re really stuck and it needs a professional who has spent a lot of time learning how to help shift someone else’s perspective of the world, because that’s what’s happened.

You’ve got stuck in only your way of seeing a particular situation. And I know what happens with me and then my coach. And sometimes it’s just a case of verbalizing it because we keep so much story in our head and then when we actually verbalize it and put it out into the world, there’s no way that you would let somebody else say that to you.

Links

Contacts

How to Manage Then Remove Your Negative Beliefs With Anne McKeown

Listen to the full episode of Small Business Talk episode 237.

You can also find the video versions of the Small Business Talk Episodes on YouTube.

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